im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
