Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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