do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
