it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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