This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
