So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's Friday. Sex?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I understand Curling. That high.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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