the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
