omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
