There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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