you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
