I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
