fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
