You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
