I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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