i can't believe i had my finger in that
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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