just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
