Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
