Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We got so high we made milksteak
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
