community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
