so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
