I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
