And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
