Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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