You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
