I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Randomize
