I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
