He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
