There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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