It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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