well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
