Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
