I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
