Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
