When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
