woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
