I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
that is very illegal...i love you.
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