He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
