You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
