We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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