You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my being single is dangerous.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
