my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
