I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
They took my balls.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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