Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
