So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
