you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
