Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
