i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
