you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
