The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
