I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
