I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
