everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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